Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Fuck Fantasy Football

This has been a wildly horrible season of make believe for me. My fantasy football team, the creatively-titled Calgary Cretins, has been a sack of shit throughout the season. As of yesterday, the team's record is 1-8. That's just not right; I've done my fair share of wrestling with surfing the free agent market and making sure I didn't have any players on the bye in my lineup, and I carefully weighed my bench and lineup in accordance to the skills and types of players and even taking into consideration of the teams they're up against, and making sure I had the best possible combination of players, but it never seems to fucking matter.
I suppose it'd be fair to push off some of the blame on the players, man so many of them suck shit. Shaun Alexander is an asshole who played well for one season but has sucked on for years at a time. Same goes for Larry Fitzgerald; man, why can't just carry the kind of momentum he had with him back in the days of Pittsburg. And Calvin Johnson...to hell with Calvin and the entire fucking Detriot Lions. Seriously, they've got Jon Kitna as quarterback, and for some reason he's lead them to a 6-2 record. What the hell; Jon Kitna ought to be dead by now, I don't think he ever was considered even a decent player until recently. It's unfortunate that he just doesn't pass to Calvin Johnson, but then again, I'd be suprised if any member of the Lions organization could manage to break away from cornerbacks.
To hell with fantasy football, it's time to focus on things that matter. Perhaps Tom Morello will help lift the heavy lashes of my eyes and save me from my apathetic existence. Or maybe he'll just play a bunch of crappy folk songs, talk about Bush and what a shitty president he is, and give a shoutout against NAFTA too. Please save me Mr. Morello.

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